U - Unflattering

I did a very bad thing. I looked out of a window. Not just once, but multiple times. That was a big mistake.

Let me start at the beginning. This week is finals week at the college where I work, so I've been proctoring exams since Monday. Boring, but necessary.

Now, one of the rooms where the math classes take their computerized final has three walls that are floor-to-ceiling glass. This glass faces the woods at the back of our campus. This is another bad thing.

It's nesting season here in Central Florida, which means it's also mating season. And we've got some territorial birds, some of which are very, VERY, big.

Take turkey vultures for example. They're big, black birds who do a marvelous job cleaning up road kill. They have an important purpose in the larger scheme of things. But not when it comes to math finals.

The previously mentioned windows have a peculiar shape to them. They throw off reflections extremely well. So much so that the vultures (and a red-headed woodpecker) attack the windows. They see their own reflections and think another bird is encroaching on their territory. First line of defense - attack.

This is unnerving to the students on the other side of the glass. So, I decided to walk over to them and see if my presence got them to go away. No such luck.

The luck wasn't with me personally, either. I caught a glimpse of myself in the window. Wow. This is not a good thing. I have an a$$. And it's a helluva revelation. Not a good one. Now, I've always been told I have a nice a$$. Since I don't have eyes in the back of my head, I have to trust others' opinions.

The reflection was the worst thing I've ever seen. But it didn't stop there. Oh, no. Today, in the same room, in the same place - I caught another reflection. But it was for the front. Again, terrible.

My diet changes, as of tomorrow morning. I'm going vegetarian. Vegan if I can stand it. I've got to ditch the "unflattering" and maybe come up with something better.

Here's hoping!