X - Xenophobia

To be xenophobic means to be afraid of foreigners. I got cold chills when I remembered this word.

It got me thinking about the history of the United States. Growing up, I'd always heard that we thought of ourselves as a country made up of a "melting pot" of all different kinds of people and nationalities. It's a lovely thought, but I don't think that's how it's worked out, really.

We've had a history of discriminating against various nationalities of people throughout our history. The Irish, the Italians, the Germans, the Japanese. And we can't ever forget the First Peoples.

Given the events of 9/11, and now the Boston Marathon, I can't help but wonder if our collective xenophobia is going to be ratcheted up again, this time against people from the Middle East.

I sincerely hope not. Some of the most consistently kind people I know are from that area.

We have to keep remembering that every group, from every part of the world, has a few bad apples. We have to remember not to color everyone with the same crayon.

Let's all keep clear heads.

U - Unflattering

I did a very bad thing. I looked out of a window. Not just once, but multiple times. That was a big mistake.

Let me start at the beginning. This week is finals week at the college where I work, so I've been proctoring exams since Monday. Boring, but necessary.

Now, one of the rooms where the math classes take their computerized final has three walls that are floor-to-ceiling glass. This glass faces the woods at the back of our campus. This is another bad thing.

It's nesting season here in Central Florida, which means it's also mating season. And we've got some territorial birds, some of which are very, VERY, big.

Take turkey vultures for example. They're big, black birds who do a marvelous job cleaning up road kill. They have an important purpose in the larger scheme of things. But not when it comes to math finals.

The previously mentioned windows have a peculiar shape to them. They throw off reflections extremely well. So much so that the vultures (and a red-headed woodpecker) attack the windows. They see their own reflections and think another bird is encroaching on their territory. First line of defense - attack.

This is unnerving to the students on the other side of the glass. So, I decided to walk over to them and see if my presence got them to go away. No such luck.

The luck wasn't with me personally, either. I caught a glimpse of myself in the window. Wow. This is not a good thing. I have an a$$. And it's a helluva revelation. Not a good one. Now, I've always been told I have a nice a$$. Since I don't have eyes in the back of my head, I have to trust others' opinions.

The reflection was the worst thing I've ever seen. But it didn't stop there. Oh, no. Today, in the same room, in the same place - I caught another reflection. But it was for the front. Again, terrible.

My diet changes, as of tomorrow morning. I'm going vegetarian. Vegan if I can stand it. I've got to ditch the "unflattering" and maybe come up with something better.

Here's hoping!

So Much T, So Little Time

There's lots of words I like that begin with T - like "twit", "truculent", and yes, "time."

When people really piss me off, I usually call them ignominious twits. Most people have no idea what that means, so they don't know they're being insulted. (Gosh, in print, that sounds terribly mean. I think I might have to modify my behavior.)

"Truculent" was suggested by my roommate. Probably because he generally is. And he prefers it that way.

"Time" is probably my favorite, though.

I have a theory about time - I think it's subjective. I know from experience it doesn't flow smoothly. For instance, when I flipped my car down a ravine during a snowstorm, all the stuff flying across my car went in slow motion. I just said, "Aw, shit" as the car started to tumble. The flipping was quick, but the stuff rolling around in the car went super slowly.

I also think we experience it in a linear fashion because we have a linear nervous system. Think about it for just a moment - nerve impulses jump from synapse to synapse, really quickly, sure, but in a domino-like progression. There is no other way we could experience time. At least, I'm not sure we could. I'm not sure our minds could make sense of impressions that didn't seem to have any kind of logical, predictable order.

What do you think?

See you tomorrow!

"R" - Raptor

Raptor. Even the word is cool. Just the sound of it sends shivers down the spine, even if the meaning is unclear.

Debates about evolution v. creation aside, these are creatures that HUNT. Owls are raptors. Hawks, ospreys, eagles - they're all raptors. Those beaks and claws can rip into things like nothing else. But the most dramatic representation of raptors came in the film "Jurassic Park."

Remember the velociraptor in the beginning, when Sam Neill described to the obnoxious child exactly how the velociraptors behaved? It sounded creepy even then.

But later in the film, when they got loose and started hunting the people, the creep factor escalated exponentially.

I have a theory about why so many people were fascinated by them - and to some extent, still are. I think it's because mammals were prey animals. Maybe it's still coded somewhere in our DNA to be fearful of things that can rip us to bits and start eating us while we're still alive.

Either way, it works well for authors and filmmakers. It'll be interesting to see how well Jurassic Park does now that it's come out again on the big screen in 3-D.

See you tomorrow!

"P" - Potato

The humble potato. A prolific tuber that no one would eat for the longest time. At least, not in Europe.

But potatoes have addictive qualities. I know, because I'm addicted to them. It's part cultural, part genetic. A great deal of my heritage is Irish. Growing up, my uncle and I used to have mashed potato races. (Wow, that just made me laugh out loud. That was probably my introduction to competitive eating!) Uncle Ron always won. I was a kid - I was okay with him winning. But the potatoes were always marvelous, with lots of butter, cream, salt and pepper.

But potatoes change and mutate as people grow up. As little children, we like mashed potatoes. We like the way it felt in our mouths. During holidays we enjoyed making little wells in our potatoes to hold our gravy.

As teenagers we headed toward the crunchy aspects of potatoes. Chips were great. We had them everywhere. They were especially useful during crises and stress, when their crunch was just something we needed that helped comfort us. And french fries...things to crunch on, nibble on, and even to gesture with as an extension of our fingers during particularly vocal and vociferous meals. They're also really good for surreptitiously starting food fights.

With adulthood comes the gourmet aspects of potatoes - roasting them with garlic, olive oil, fresh rosemary, and a bit of sea salt and freshly cracked pepper. On the Fourth of July you can show you patriotism making potato salad with blue (okay, purple) Peruvian potatoes. Great texture and flavor, and they hold up in salad form.

I guess it's evident I like them.

Lots of other people do, too. Americans list potatoes as their number one vegetable. (We won't tell them that it's really a starch.)

Have a great day!

"O" - Obstinate

That's me. In spades. Stubborn as a box of rocks. I've always been that way, too.

From the time I could talk, my favorite word was "why." It drove my parents crazy. And then, if I felt they didn't give me a complete answer, or if their answer led to something else, I kept hammering away at it.

This was probably my earliest manifestation of the disease commonly called "insatiable curiosity." I've pretty much got a terminal case -- which is a really good thing.

Writers need to be inveterate snoops. In any and all directions. The more the better, for your plot, your characters, and your conflict.

So be obstinate. Don't worry about the negative connotations. We know it's a good thing. Snoop, spy, watch, analyze and pick things apart to your heart's content, all you creative people out there!

Your stories will improve, your fan base will grow, and your satisfaction level will go through the roof.

Now that I've got my first coffee in my hand, I'm going off to do some creating of my own.

Have a productive day!

"M" - Mouth

Now, I know what you're wondering - what in the world can be said about your mouth? Haven't we talked about it all - stuffing feet into it, stuffing chips into it, swilling liquor into it...what more can there be?

Something that will knock your socks off.

I was driving to Cocoa Beach last weekend for a board of directors meeting, and as I drove I was listening to National Public Radio. I'd flipped on the radio in the middle of an interview with Mary Roach.

In case you aren't familiar with her work, she's a science writer who penned a great book called "Stiffs" about what happens to people after they die. Fascinating, well-written, and even a bit comedic in spots (if I remember right).

She has a new book out called "Gulp." It's about what happens to food, from beginning to end, so to speak. But in the interview plugging the new book, I learned something amazing.

We have two sets of nostrils.

Yup. One external, one internal. The second set lets you taste your food more than once. Apparently if you're eating, and your mouth is closed (hopefully!), and you breathe out through your nose, you'll be able to  smell all the original goodness of what you're eating.

In the name of scientific inquiry, I had to try it. It worked. Very well.

And it made me giggle.

Try it. It's kinda neat. Who knew?

"L" - Luscious

One of the guys I work with, Peter, made a comment before my first math class walked in today. Someone commented on his beard, and they called it "luscious."

Wow, there's a great word. It has its own mouth-feel, like forbidden, decadent food that's high in fat, calories, and satisfaction.

I imagine Rubens though of his models this way - an abundance, a plethora of attractive, enticing flesh that he shared with the rest of the world.

Guys can be luscious too...as evidenced by the popularity of male models with oiled-up bodies.

"Luscious" appears in our lives in lots of different ways, and we get to indulge our senses in all of them.

Lucky us! (Oh, look, another "L" word!)